"Vellura" by Milena Makani
Brittany Brewer | Terminal Degree
two books on my right/ five on my left/ one in my lap/ sometimes I think this degree is killing
me/ she’s all I ever wanted/ I’m too deep in this/ I can’t walk out now/ I can’t get up/ one of my
cats is curled into the cradle of my pelvis/ her smile soft/ her toes relaxed/ my neck/ my hips/ my
back/ compressed against the spindliest joints/ wedged jarringly/ into a fraction-corner of my
papasan chair/ it’s bones skin-stamp their way into my epidermis/ balancing crumbs/ crowning a
plate/ I can’t get up/ a crushing feeling/ my joints sing/ in the most not-lovely way/ a song/ which
now plays in my body on loop/ I breathe/ because I have to/ because what else can I do/ I recall/
last month/ I went for lunch/ with my advisor and her friend/ a poet and a novelist/ her table was
the coziest cobweb/ my bones were good-stuck/ lifted/ light/ my aches/ my pains/ silent/ or/ at
least/ whispering/ each moment/ mesmerized me/ more/ time was sticky/ teeth-tender
microgreens/ crackling romaine/ vibrant radicchio/ stinging onions/ and peppers/ in that
turn-it-up kind of way/ buttery avocado/ white wine/ these women wove/ a warm afternoon/ an
entanglement/ I would choose/ again/ and again/ I scraped my plate clean/ once/ twice/ and I
listened/ and I heard tales/ not unlike my own/ tales of illness/ illness emerging/ illness arriving/
during graduate school/ during my same program/ illness swept aside/ concerns squashed/ even
though/ no one knows a web/ like the spider/ who wove it/ I scraped my plate clean/ a final time/
I don’t think/ I could have ever been satiated/ been full enough/ of the company/ anchored in/
this web of ours/ of the belief/ she offered me/ and I her/ and I her/ and she me/ and the security/
their/ our/ threads of belief/ spun
me/ she’s all I ever wanted/ I’m too deep in this/ I can’t walk out now/ I can’t get up/ one of my
cats is curled into the cradle of my pelvis/ her smile soft/ her toes relaxed/ my neck/ my hips/ my
back/ compressed against the spindliest joints/ wedged jarringly/ into a fraction-corner of my
papasan chair/ it’s bones skin-stamp their way into my epidermis/ balancing crumbs/ crowning a
plate/ I can’t get up/ a crushing feeling/ my joints sing/ in the most not-lovely way/ a song/ which
now plays in my body on loop/ I breathe/ because I have to/ because what else can I do/ I recall/
last month/ I went for lunch/ with my advisor and her friend/ a poet and a novelist/ her table was
the coziest cobweb/ my bones were good-stuck/ lifted/ light/ my aches/ my pains/ silent/ or/ at
least/ whispering/ each moment/ mesmerized me/ more/ time was sticky/ teeth-tender
microgreens/ crackling romaine/ vibrant radicchio/ stinging onions/ and peppers/ in that
turn-it-up kind of way/ buttery avocado/ white wine/ these women wove/ a warm afternoon/ an
entanglement/ I would choose/ again/ and again/ I scraped my plate clean/ once/ twice/ and I
listened/ and I heard tales/ not unlike my own/ tales of illness/ illness emerging/ illness arriving/
during graduate school/ during my same program/ illness swept aside/ concerns squashed/ even
though/ no one knows a web/ like the spider/ who wove it/ I scraped my plate clean/ a final time/
I don’t think/ I could have ever been satiated/ been full enough/ of the company/ anchored in/
this web of ours/ of the belief/ she offered me/ and I her/ and I her/ and she me/ and the security/
their/ our/ threads of belief/ spun
Brittany Brewer (fae/she) is a [gender]queer, chronically ill poet, [theatre] artist, and educator. Fae researches and writes pieces whose aesthetics sing of sticky, midwestern basements; stumbling queerness; romantic friendships, sexuality, illness, and bodies; and the magical possibilities that exist in-between. Currently, she lives in Michigan where fae recently earned her doctorate from Michigan State University. Faer poetry has appeared in Rougarou, Troublemaker Firestarter, Anodyne, and Hole in the Head Review, among others. Faer first chapbook, Tendering the Body, was published by Finishing Line Press in early 2025. www.brittanybrewer.com
Milena Makani, born in 1984 in Sofia, Bulgaria, is a German contemporary artist based in London, UK. Makani’s deeply psychological paintings depict inner landscapes characterized by layered textures, fluid forms and gradients. Employing acrylics, watercolours and inks on mineral stone sheets, she blends control and spontaneity through the interplay of organic process and manipulation. Makani lives with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome - a source of constant pain. Her works channel the mindfulness, gratitude and energy of her lived experience, as she investigates themes of resilience, serenity, joy, stoicism and fragility.
The German artist has exhibited her work in the UK, Bulgaria and Iceland and her paintings are featured internationally in various private collections.
The German artist has exhibited her work in the UK, Bulgaria and Iceland and her paintings are featured internationally in various private collections.
