"Heart Goes Here" by Jenn Ashton
Something in My Back Gives Out the Same Week Eight Abusers Make the News
by Alison Kronstadt
A dead man with my damage sings on the radio
about not wanting to be the one the battle chooses but the battle chose
and here we are or aren't Everything between my hips
a fist of misery I limp through declarative questions
Does clicking the headlines make me witness to the carrion
or vulture Why does it hurt Why didn't anyone stop them
My period came Another reminder that the world calls
me woman and connotes a silenced suffering beneath it
And the doctor says, we can give you prescription but no cause
The nurse says, it might be your weight My therapist says,
it's so hard for us women to stand up for ourselves and look ma
no words look I'm a severed anchor look drowning
feels a lot like floating away if you lose the surface
Someone devil-advocates due process Someone else constructs
a witness stand with their gaze and I wanted to be a sledgehammer
but I'm a tissue sample I wanted to be avenging angel but I'm just dust
now and returning
It’s so easy to past-tense a body if you can get inside it Easy
to unname history if you lie and say it's just starting Or already over
So I guess it's over That doesn't happen anymore Not since I woke up
and my spine was a signal flare into an abyss Not since the diagnosis
replaced my mouth with an operating table
The doctor says, the problem with your back is that you use it all the time
I say, I'm sorry He said, the problem with your personhood
is that you use it all the time So come here
Let me give you a hand with that
and is it any wonder I'm a bad joke now
Hey He echoes Like a chorus, fading Hey
What's the difference between jam and jelly Hey What's black and white
and read and red
all over
about not wanting to be the one the battle chooses but the battle chose
and here we are or aren't Everything between my hips
a fist of misery I limp through declarative questions
Does clicking the headlines make me witness to the carrion
or vulture Why does it hurt Why didn't anyone stop them
My period came Another reminder that the world calls
me woman and connotes a silenced suffering beneath it
And the doctor says, we can give you prescription but no cause
The nurse says, it might be your weight My therapist says,
it's so hard for us women to stand up for ourselves and look ma
no words look I'm a severed anchor look drowning
feels a lot like floating away if you lose the surface
Someone devil-advocates due process Someone else constructs
a witness stand with their gaze and I wanted to be a sledgehammer
but I'm a tissue sample I wanted to be avenging angel but I'm just dust
now and returning
It’s so easy to past-tense a body if you can get inside it Easy
to unname history if you lie and say it's just starting Or already over
So I guess it's over That doesn't happen anymore Not since I woke up
and my spine was a signal flare into an abyss Not since the diagnosis
replaced my mouth with an operating table
The doctor says, the problem with your back is that you use it all the time
I say, I'm sorry He said, the problem with your personhood
is that you use it all the time So come here
Let me give you a hand with that
and is it any wonder I'm a bad joke now
Hey He echoes Like a chorus, fading Hey
What's the difference between jam and jelly Hey What's black and white
and read and red
all over
Alison Kronstadt (they/them/theirs and she/her/hers) is a writer, youth worker, and anti-partner abuse advocate currently living in the Boston area / on stolen Wampanoag land. Their work has been featured or is forthcoming in Breakwater Review, Cosmonauts Avenue, FreezeRay, and voicemail poems, among others. She is the slammaster of the Feminine Empowerment movement slam and a massive pickle enthusiast. Find them on twitter @flalymagee.
North Vancouver, B.C. Artist, and Author Jenn Ashton has lived a creative life that has encompassed everything from farming to the Boardroom; from BC to Harvard and back again. Coming from an artistic family she has brought a creative flair to all her projects large and small. Jenn is known for her originality, resourcefulness, and vision. JennAshtonArt.com
