Briana Naseer | On Watching The Last of Us, Alone
I’m almost mad at myself for it,
the way I move through the world
when a man (my man)
is by my side.
His big hand has my small one in it,
and this was my design—
to craft myself with a someone
who could take up the space
I can’t, a doubling—
the space that I have been
denied.
I only notice it when he’s gone,
the way I check my doors with care,
like a sister braiding hair
securing the top and bottom locks,
doing the gate behind me
as I take out the trash,
even a neighbor’s shadow
a second-guess of my safety.
I am suddenly doubtful
at a man (not my man)
who offers to help me carry
the empty compost bucket.
I turn my cheek, hide my face—
try to leave as little a mark
as possible.
I tell him not to worry,
my husband will be in soon,
I am not alone.
My husband,
my husband,
my husband—
A warning,
a spell,
a prayer.
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